Undomesticated Bloopers

It's taken me years to discover the the simple pleasures of meal planning and preparation, as well as the satisfaction that comes from nourishing friends and family.

But, even though I now know the difference between a whisk and a spatula, I've still got a lot to learn. Just this week, I made two major gaffes:

1. When I tried to duplicate Katherine's delicious hamburgers in my own home without a "hamburger helper" looking on, I made a terrible beginner's mistake. The outside of the burgers were burning, but the inside meat was still rare. Instead of lowering the flame, I tossed the burgers in the microwave. Yes, the meat cooked, but it also turned barely edible. Ruby happily chowed down on the burgers, but Avo opted for a frozen Indian meal instead.

2. I'm getting better, but I still have a problem following recipes. Just today, for instance, I ignored the very clear instruction to "let butter soften" before mixing the batter for oatmeal cookies. The butter was too hard and the batter got stuck to the mixing blades. At least I knew better than to toss the bowl into the microwave! Instead, I turned the mixer on high until most of the butter splattered off. I scooped the rest out with my fingers. No harm done. The cookies turned out tasty, but it was a close call nonetheless. (And, yes, I'm still baking. I can't stop myself!)

Cook This Dish At Your Own Risk

It was bound to happen. Just as I was getting all cocky about my newly domesticated self, I had to backslide and cook something truly awful.

It began auspiciously enough with a plan to make turkey burgers. I even splurged and bought fancy brioche rolls and a beautiful organic tomato from the Park Slope Food Coop. Oh, I had such plans for this burger (Look how happy I am in the picture)!

I blame my failure on the recipe -- and more specifically, on the dry onion soup mix, which I've decided is a definite no-no for any decent recipe.

In case you're curious, this is the recipe I followed:

Seasoned Turkey Burgers

Ingredients

1 1/2 pounds ground turkey breast
1 (1 ounce) package dry onion soup mix
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1 1/2 tablespoons soy sauce
1 egg, lightly beaten (optional)
6 hamburger buns, split

Directions
(I improvised step #2. The original recipe called for the burgers to be grilled, but the grill is Avo's domain).

1. In a large bowl, mix the turkey with the onion soup mix, pepper, garlic powder, soy sauce, and egg. Refrigerate the mixture about 10 minutes, then form into 6 patties.

2. Heat up frying pan with canola oil. Place patties on. Cook for around 20 minutes, turning once, or until well done. Serve on buns with fixings of your choice (I opted for tomato slices, cheddar cheese and ketchup).

It was the first time I made burgers of any kind (except for pre-made veggie burgers I've tossed in the toaster). I'm proud to say that I'm no longer a burger virgin.

But, sadly, my burgers were inedible. They tasted more like onion soup mix than turkey or burgers. Even the ketchup, cheese, tomato, and brioche bun couldn't mask the overwhelming taste of the Lipton mix.

Ruby, who salivates at the sight of meat, balked at the burger, complaining it was "too spicy." And I didn't even attempt to get Jesse to take a bite -- I didn't want to turn her off burgers forever.

When Avo got home, he took one look at the burgers and promptly made himself some ravioli with tomato sauce and sauteed zucchini with garlic and grated parmesan.

Unfortunately, I was too full from the (disgusting) burger I forced myself to eat to try any of his dinner.

But it certainly looked much more appetizing than mine.